I don't know why, but my mind seems to come alive at night. The silence awakens something inside and the words just flow out. It's the calmness of the night that allows me to think clearly on the day, or whatever can be on my mind.
Things have escalated the past week. I started talking to a guy. He's...amazing. We haven't met in person, but the way we talk on the phone makes me feel like we've known each other for a long time. I know, I know. With my history of meeting people over the internet...I shouldn't do it again. I know. Honestly, I didn't think I was going to even meet someone through the dating site I joined. I really didn't, and I haven't been on it for even a month yet. We talked for so long on the phone...twice we've done that, and well, we get along. We mesh, which is definitely a good thing. We talked about anything and everything, and it was nice to have someone like that for a change. There are so many things that have conspired between the two of us, that we've already had a few serious discussions. Well, one big one. It was a bit heart breaking at first, but I came to the realization that I hadn't even met this man in person yet and I was getting upset about it. Why was I getting upset about it in the first place? Perhaps it's because I was so excited that he and I were able to even talk about such a thing and we're so into each other - we make each other laugh, and we're just. He and I are friends right now. I can tell you that much. It's just, the discussion we had made me think really hard on so many different levels. I've had to question myself, and seek advice. But yet again, I had to stop myself because I've only known the guy a week. A week. Why am I rocketing myself into something that hasn't even left the ground yet? I don't understand why I do that, but I have come to the conclusion that I shouldn't think so hard into things when there's nothing to be done about it yet. I haven't met him in person; therefore, I cannot make any concrete decisions. But...what's the harm in talking about it with friends and getting their advice? No harm, really.
Oye. I just have a lot on my plate right now. SO much to do, AND to top it all off. I have, tonight, come up with a room to-do list. Yes. For those that have seen the depths of my azurean room, you know that it's catastrophic. For an entire month I have been working 7 days straight, and hadn't caught a break. And now that I'm back to working six days a week, I have Sundays off. Now. I've compiled a list that I need to get done with my room. And I'm praying. PRAYING. That I'll be able to get it done. I have to. It's mandatory. I know it'll be incredibly hard, but...in the end - it'll be worth it.
The thing that really got me thinking about cleaning MY room is the show, "Clean House". I watch the show incessantly. I've watched and really would love for my room to be organized and not for it to be the cluttered chaos that it is now. I have too many shirts -- I have to admit I'm a shirt horder. I love the vintage tees from Hot Topic, and have a few. So I have to get a few out. I have to get storage containers. I have to get my DVDs organzied, too. Closet. Clothes. Desk. Bookshelf. So much to do. I have to get it done, and I know I'll feel like I have accomplished something when I have gotten it done! I just have to get it all done in increments.
Pray for me while I attempt to clean my cluttered chaos, and aim for clean happiness...and a happy room.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Taking the Initiative
There have been things lately that I haven't been able to really comprehend. Things that I haven't really considered even posting here. I bought an actual journal last weekend, and have written in it a few times already, and it's helped so much. But there are times I find myself wondering what the entire world thinks about things. So here goes, and feel free to pass judgement; it's in our human nature to do so.
Things in my life haven't been what I call smooth, as of lately. I've been working my ass off at my two jobs, and I feel so grateful that I have a job in this day and age. But then the bills come, and I realize that all my hard work goes to something that I really wish I didn't have to pay. It's not only bills that have made me think about life, because they are far from my mind at this point in time. I find myself not as happy as I wish I could be...
Last night I went to up to the Victorian Christmas in town, and there were a lot of people there. I haven't seen so many people in town in quite some time. But the teenagers were terrible. They idled in the streets and sidewalks, and made the scene quite impossible to enjoy. It was another night for them to be able to be out and about, but they seemed to just not get the idea of the time that the town had set up. I forgave them for not holding the door open at Wawa, and not stepping to the side when I said, "Excuse me." But there comes a time and a place when you need to just push past people in order to get to where you need to go. And that's exactly what I did, I had to sweep past most of them. I walked on my own through the streets that I have known so very well since I was a kid. I walked through the Park, and caught a glimpse of the man as Santa Claus, and the children about him so excited to see him. They couldn't wait to sit up on his lap and tell him what they wanted for Christmas. It was a treat to see, honestly. I continued my way up through the park and to the Church. I could see up ahead the carriage rides. The 76 Carriage Company from Philadelphia had made the journey to give those that bought advanced tickets rides in the carriages. The horses were gorgeous, and I stood and watched them make their way away and around the block. It was then I went into the church and listened to a bit of the caroling. I walked home that night frustrated and distraught at the teenagers I had to push through in order to get home after stopping to get food. I had to get over it, and I did, but it was frustrating, nonetheless.
Why am I writing this, you ask? Because I find it funny how "pushing" and "shoving" is a way you have to do things in the world in order to succeed, and to get yourself noticed. It's something I haven't had to do, but I want to shove past SO many things and get on with what I want to do in life. I didn't get accepted to Wilson College, which was a downer. I must admit that, but it won't slow me down. I know I have to finish my Associate's and then I'm going to re-apply.
I'm taking the initiative and am going to do a bit of "pushing" and a bit of "shoving" to get what I need done in order to be happier and achieve what I need to.
And I'm hoping I can. :)
Things in my life haven't been what I call smooth, as of lately. I've been working my ass off at my two jobs, and I feel so grateful that I have a job in this day and age. But then the bills come, and I realize that all my hard work goes to something that I really wish I didn't have to pay. It's not only bills that have made me think about life, because they are far from my mind at this point in time. I find myself not as happy as I wish I could be...
Last night I went to up to the Victorian Christmas in town, and there were a lot of people there. I haven't seen so many people in town in quite some time. But the teenagers were terrible. They idled in the streets and sidewalks, and made the scene quite impossible to enjoy. It was another night for them to be able to be out and about, but they seemed to just not get the idea of the time that the town had set up. I forgave them for not holding the door open at Wawa, and not stepping to the side when I said, "Excuse me." But there comes a time and a place when you need to just push past people in order to get to where you need to go. And that's exactly what I did, I had to sweep past most of them. I walked on my own through the streets that I have known so very well since I was a kid. I walked through the Park, and caught a glimpse of the man as Santa Claus, and the children about him so excited to see him. They couldn't wait to sit up on his lap and tell him what they wanted for Christmas. It was a treat to see, honestly. I continued my way up through the park and to the Church. I could see up ahead the carriage rides. The 76 Carriage Company from Philadelphia had made the journey to give those that bought advanced tickets rides in the carriages. The horses were gorgeous, and I stood and watched them make their way away and around the block. It was then I went into the church and listened to a bit of the caroling. I walked home that night frustrated and distraught at the teenagers I had to push through in order to get home after stopping to get food. I had to get over it, and I did, but it was frustrating, nonetheless.
Why am I writing this, you ask? Because I find it funny how "pushing" and "shoving" is a way you have to do things in the world in order to succeed, and to get yourself noticed. It's something I haven't had to do, but I want to shove past SO many things and get on with what I want to do in life. I didn't get accepted to Wilson College, which was a downer. I must admit that, but it won't slow me down. I know I have to finish my Associate's and then I'm going to re-apply.
I'm taking the initiative and am going to do a bit of "pushing" and a bit of "shoving" to get what I need done in order to be happier and achieve what I need to.
And I'm hoping I can. :)
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