Indescribable...

I'm sitting here feeling sore as ever. My entire body is aching from working out at the gym. My head is clogged because of my sinuses and yet I feel...empowered. There are things going on in my life that I've recently discovered that are...difficult, nonetheless. But, I accept them. For instance, my credit cards - I only have 2! - And then there's other things that I'm in desperate need to pay off, but I know that everything WILL work itself out. That everything WILL be ok! This is all thanks to "Confessions of a Shop-a-holic". Granted that I'm in NO WAY a shop-a-holic, but I identified with Rebecca! I'm in debt, and have hardly ANY money to pay for much of ANYTHING right now. But she got through it, and I know I will. It'll take time, of course, BUT I have plenty of time to sort things out and get to where I need to be...

And I missed that feeling...the feeling I get after seeing a great movie...like tonight, I walked out of the theater in a fantastic mood! I'm still on that high. I don't know why I feel this way when I walk out of a movie, but it's....incredible.

Ugh...I'm on such a high right now that there's way too much for me to type about when I can barely write this right now...

Another Day In The Life

Even if it's been a few days, there are things going on in my mind that I'm having trouble with...Valentine's Day was always hard for me...even when I had a boyfriend/fiancee. I never got anything big or spectacular. It was just always low-key. Saturday, I worked at Hallmark...the God of all card/gift shops. And I rang up so many people that were buying last minute gifts...I felt left out. I do not mind being single at all, but the fact that I only got one card...just didn't make me feel special. Aren't you supposed to feel special on a holiday? I mean, Friday, we had the Valentine's Day Party with the kids at work and I did get the little Valentine's, which were cute. But yeah. I don't know. It's my first Valentine's Day without a Valentine in...over five years. It's all good.

Saturday, my tax refund check went through into my account. Guess what i did with it first? I went and bought myself a new laptop. Yesssssss! I am the proud owner of an HP Pavilion Entertainment PC. It runs World of Warcraft oh so well! It doesn't lag, which is just AWESOME! It has Vista, which isn't bad AT ALL. Not entirely sure what people were complaining about....I like it. :) Especially the weather bug on my desktop. So awesome.

I haven't weighed myself since last week...and for all those female bloggers out there you know that time of the month when you are bloated? yeah, that's me right now. :) Sooooo that's something I'll post probably at the end of the week.

I'm off to get some stuff done since my boss was so nice to give me the day off. :)

The Start.

Back in October '08, my co-workers started Weight Watchers. Now, I've been struggling with weight issues for...a long time. It really started when I was fired from my first job, because I ate a cupcake. Yes, I ate a cupcake and was fired. I could've fought for the job, but it wasn't worth it at all. I was 14! It was my first job! I didn't think I was doing anything wrong! For the following year, I gained a lot of weight. Ever since then, I've been struggling trying to get the weight down. It started to work, but then it all hit me when I got engaged. I got engaged on Dec. 25, 2007, and it wasn't until that summer, when he was trying to get a new job, that it started. He started to get lazy. He wouldn't help around the house, he wasn't doing anything but play his video games. I was lucky to get him out for the day to go to the Pennsylvania Renaissance Faire for the Grand Arrival. It was terrible!! I wasn't happy, but I didn't know it at the time. I didn't see anything wrong with how I was, or how he was. And then it hit me one weekend. It was when I was dog-sitting for a friend and her family while they helped her get back to college. I realized that I wasn't in love with him anymore. I wasn't happy at all. I couldn't be with him. Turns out that people around me knew that I wasn't happy, but they didn't want to say something about it and get me upset. It's a good thing I figured it out on my own...really is. I started to really see how dissatisfied I was with how I looked. I hated how my body looked. I hated how big my belly was in the pictures I looked at from over the summer. I hated how I looked. So when my friend started Weight Watchers....I knew I had to do it. So I started in November of '08.

Fast forward three months and here I am...25lbs lighter!! I'm 50lbs from my goal weight, and I couldn't be any more thrilled!! I'm becoming so much happier and much more comfortable in my own skin.

Things are finally coming back strong in my life. My family is more important to me now. I talk more with my parents, and they have a somewhat understanding of what I went through with my ex-fiancee. It's been...a rollercoaster ride. But I'm on for the ride!! I'm so up for it!!

Now to move onto something that I am still in shock about....

The ride brought me to RENT here in Philadelphia at the Academy of Music for my Birthday. I got to see it on Feb. 7 at the 2 o'clock showing. My parents got two tickets for me. One for me and another person to take with me. It was...the best Christmas/Birthday present EVER! I took my best friend, Sarah, with me. We got there 5 minutes late, so we had to stand at the door and watch the beginning, which I was totally okay with! We were up in the Family Circle, the first level up in Section E, Row B, Seat 113. Yeah...I have it memorized. Anyways...the experience was incredible. I died and went to heaven! I got see Adam Pascal and Anthony Rapp in the roles that were MADE for them!! I cannot believe I was there....I sang along, well, mouthed the words really. I got really emotional at a lot of the songs, because it was so powerful and so meaningful, to me. I love the show, and it was my first time seeing it on stage. I got to "dance" with Mimi, aaand "moo" with Maureen, "film" with Mark, "sing" with Roger, "play the drums" with Angel, and just...BE THERE!! Words cannot describe the feeling I had when I finally got to see the play ON STAGE!!!!!! There are pictures...

The Broadway Tour Cast of RENT on stage bowing...

Sarah and I with our RENT shirts!

((My cheeks look discolored, because I got my wisdom teeth out on Feb. 2...I was bruised.))

And the back of our shirts...mine didn't say anything, so I put my bag on. :) In it is my playbill with my ticket inside, and the book that came with the bag, and Anthony Rapp's book.

It was an amazing time and I just had to share it.

Sooooooo this is THE START of something new for me....a new life of loosing weight, finding happiness, and finding myself again...